Self Lies and Personal Honesty
Progress demands truth and relies on self-honesty. Elite performance also requires a positive self-story that persists despite evidence to the contrary. The following is intended to resolve this apparent paradox because we need radical honesty to improve alongside useful fictions to keep moving forward in the face of adversity and iterative failure.
Being a Winner vs. Winning
Our first construct to resolve our apparent paradox is the definition of a Winner. A winner is embodied by an attitude which contains a set of behaviors that power the athlete along their course (see: Definition of Attitude). Winners don’t win every game, they adopt a winner’s mentality, practice winning ways, and execute a winning approach. They translate the psychological hit of an error, losing an at bat, losing a game, etc. into fuel for the wins to come.
Don’t trust me, take it from arguably the greatest winner in sports of all time:
I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan
Trust the Process
When a player determines their destination, e.g. “I want to play College baseball,” then every moment between where they are and that destination is subject to an investigation about whether they remain on course, regardless of unavoidable headwinds and turbulence along the way.
How that investigation is conducted is critical: It must account for that which the player can control and that which they cannot. For example, examining a good at bat can be distilled to: (1) Did I swing at a hittable pitch? (2) Was I on time with my swing? (3) Did I swing with intent (to destroy the baseball)?
This analytic process allows for the inevitable, uncontrollable outcomes that many would deem “failure,” without allowing for self-excusing bad performance. And, more importantly, provides the grounding for what to improve for the next at bat.
Every Physical Performance Involves a Psychological Element
When is the last time you genuinely cheered on an athlete for their improved mental approach despite a losing outcome? I’m talking about, for example, seeing a batter strike out despite physical signs of an improved mental approach, and cheering them on for that improved approach at the plate.
An athlete’s mental state fluctuates constantly. Training one’s attention is as important as training their mechanics. This too must be accounted for in the winner’s process, see: Attention is King.
Error-Proofing
A problem arises when self-story hardens into delusion instead of aspiration. Self-honesty is non-negotiable.
Unchecked self-lies sound like:
“He got so lucky to get me out!”
“The Ump is terrible!”
“The other team doesn't play fair; they cheat.”
These protect the ego short-term but sabotage long-term progress. They block feedback, delay corrections, and increase injury risk. They are common and betray the process but are soooooo tempting.
As a player, steal yourself against such temptation. As a parent, recognize that impulse to relieve your child’s emotional pain and find another path. Support them honestly without making excuses on their behalf. Pro-tip: Practice this on the sidelines by denying yourself the excuse-making in front of other parents. You feel judged but no one actually gives a crud. As a professional coach, I have a vested interest in the quality of my kids’ play. And yet, I must deny myself the excuse-making. For them, for me, and for you!
Balancing Truth and Useful Fiction
The sweet spot is holding both:
Radical self-honesty about where you actually are right now (mechanics, mentality, physical readiness).
A committed, optimistic self-story about who you are becoming and what consistent effort will produce.
In practice, this looks like:
Acknowledging a fear (e.g., re-injury) that’s limiting arm action—then building the story “I develop fear tolerance and get stronger because of it.”
Videoing your swing or delivery honestly, identifying real flaws—then persisting with the story, “I’m the player who fixes what’s broken.”
For parents: Honestly assessing your own coaching limits, then embracing the story, “I’m the champion for my child’s journey.”
This is another way I emphasize making athletes their own best coaches. The ultimate goal isn’t player dependence on me or the parent. It’s equipping them with the honesty to see reality clearly and the resilience to keep writing a better story.
A Note for Parents and Coaches
Your child is watching how you handle this tension. When you model honest self-assessment without self-cruelty, they learn it’s safe to do the same. When you celebrate effort and smart persistence more than outcomes, they internalize a healthy self-narrative.
Progress demands truth. Performance demands we persist through the inevitable gaps between our current reality and our aspirational story.
The athletes who go farthest are the ones who master both.
Key Takeaways
Self-honesty fuels real progress; comfortable self-lies stall it.
A useful (slightly optimistic) self-story is necessary fuel for consistent action.
The best athletes and parents hold both—rigorous truth about the present and committed belief in the future self.
Build the skill of auditing your own narrative the same way you audit external advice.